New Year, New Y̶o̶u̶ View
As we are almost into our second month of the New Year, I thought now would be an excellent time to consider the thing we all dread: the failure of resolutions.
I get a great feeling in my head and heart when I am opening a new blank journal, putting on a new piece of clothing, or even breaking the seal on an unopened jar. New beginnings are so very enticing for us. A new year is no exception. A fresh start. A time to imagine what you want in life. All the new ideas, the unfiltered energy, the discussions, the research, the limitless spectrum of possibility. Hope. Dreams. Your deepest insides can shine brilliantly on your outside. The trick to New Year’s, though, is that to move forward, we also need to look back. The dark side is there too; we can’t seem to help ourselves spending time thinking about what we haven’t achieved.
Desires and fears - the two things that continue to drive humanity onward and upward. To me, New Year’s resolutions (and birthday milestone resolutions, and new school year resolutions) perfectly encapsulate the human condition. We dream and desire so many things for ourselves. We self-criticize and self-shame our shortcomings.
Despite my dislike for New Year’s resolutions and my claim that I don’t make a “list” per se, new possibilities still tantalizingly enter my mind at this time of year. So the thoughts come despite my anti-resolution sentiment: “How can I tweak my calendar? I need to plan our meals more thoughtfully. Why is this drawer always so disorganized? I have to wake up 1 hour earlier every day. I need to set more reminders on my phone...”
Bring in week three of 2020. The third Monday in January has been coined as “Blue Monday “ in popular culture because if your unsuccessful resolutions aren’t getting you down, then the weather just might. The post-holiday doldrums have set in. You haven’t reorganized that closet. Waking up at 6:00 instead of 7:00 isn’t working out, and going to bed an hour earlier isn’t working either. Getting to the gym five days a week has already lost its appeal. The Winter season and daylight are against us; we are in the dark, we are cold, and we feel like resting. (You can read my previous blog post about Winter and the Kapha Dosha to help fight those hibernation inclinations)
My challenge has become this: Change Your Perspective.
I have been considering (not new) concepts about Gratitude and gaining a better understanding of what Desire is. I found a gratitude journal extremely helpful in the past and continue to go back to this as a resource for better understanding myself, the genuine blessings that I have in my life, and learning to find more good in the world. The basic concept is that you dedicate a notebook as a gratitude journal, and every evening before you go to sleep, you take a few moments and list three things you were thankful for that day. Over time, you realize that some days are easier be grateful for than others, and recording by rote, “my family, my friends, my home,” doesn’t cut it. A journal may give you your first opportunity to dig deep and consider what is important to you. Once you figure that out, you can make realizations about what you want to spend more time and energy doing. Give a gratitude journal a try for 30 days and see what you think!
Desire (and Aversion) is trickier. Desire reflects our egos. Looking at what attracts you can be interesting because you can consider why you want something. (Do you want to look different? Do you have a health concern? Do you want to be a better person?) If we start to realize in gratitude what is important to us, then our desires may begin to change, and some fears may fall away.
Self-improvement is helpful. Becoming a better person is one of the noblest goals we can have once we understand what that means as an individual. What is “better” to you? I ask you to consider why the popular resolution ideas (i.e., losing 20 pounds, running a marathon, quitting a vice, etc…) are resonating with you? Is there another way to approach quitting our “bad” habits, and fostering our “good” ones? How many resolutions have reappeared on your list for several years? When we get some clarity on what is a priority, I feel that our “lists” become more qualitative rather than quantitative. If we have the ability, for example, to be aware of ourselves, is it possible to make better choices at that moment? I found an excellent article that talks about accidentally kicking bad habits for good ones, and some of the psychology behind that.
Take heart, humans! The year is still new. The Chinese New Year is coming up this weekend! If your fabulous and ambitious self-improvement ideas have derailed, be kind and forgiving to yourself. Embrace the chill (and your warmest layers) and get outside. Go to bed early to appreciate the blanket of darkness and snow. Try to take time to see what resonates with you and foster that feeling. Light some candles. Burn a resolution list.